The Tiny Tyrants
by 18wanda
Summary: The penguins are back in grade school, and they are on top of the playground when they meet a bully, the tiny but mighty Dr. Blowhole trying to run them out. Warning: Extremely funny. May not be for everyone without senses of humor.
1. Chapter 1: Part1

The Tiny Tyrants

Part 1

Skipper: We're almost there. Keep…climbing!

(The train of penguins is following behind.)

(Kowalski who is traveling right behind Skipper can't take much more of it, and is getting jelly-arm.) I don't have the basic chemical molecules built up yet!

Private(gasping): What?

(Skipper wished either of them were in reach right now) It means Kowalski is a wimp who can't even complete the basickist training exercises. Now climb faster! I ain't scuttling this mission!

Rico: Ugh…

Kowalski: Skipper, it is too much…

Skipper: But I can see the top.

Private(wailing): But we could see the top before we even started climbing!

(Sadly it was true. Finally, they made it to the top. Skipper and the team scrambled to the top and sprawled out like dying ants, and below through mass exhaustion the four penguins could hear cheering. They made it at last.)

Skipper: We are the best team on the playground. We did the impossible! No one has ever climbed a rope up the jungle gym before.

Kowalski: We made history. No team has ever climbed the worm rope before.

(The penguins commenced waving to their adoring fans, feeling like supreme rulers of the playground. No one could surpass them. Until…)

Dr. Blowhole(who for the sake of not being an evil genius yet or anything else, we will call…Sheldon. On with the story) comes from behind the swingset, strolling through the crowd. Well, not strolling, but inching forward on a hover scooter thingy.) Not so fast.

Skipper: Who are you and what are you doing here?

Sheldon: Let's just say I'm sampling the new turf, pouring oil on the pavement, rolling on glass paper.

(the penguins stare back blankly)

Sheldon: Nurfing?

Kowalski: Is that a verb?

(Rico growls)

Sheldon: I'm here to kick the jelly outta the biscuit. Now get out of my way. I want you four penguins front and center so I can demean you beyond psychological repair.

Kowalski(short-circuiting): Can't process….can't…define…word. Psy-de-fro-scho-kal?

Sheldon: Not even close. (Then in the blink of an eye the dolphin blipped in the air and was on top of the jungle gym in seconds, the same height the penguins took many agonizing minutes to forge. The penguins gasped with horror.) I guess that means I am king of this playground.

Skipper(stuttering for words): What? Wha-di! Howdiu?

Sheldon: So I hear they call you Skipper? More like Dripper.

Skipper: AHHHHH! (launches himself at the gloryhound, but can't wriggle through the wall of Kowalski, Rico, and Private. Sheldon stayed conveniently out of reach.

Private: Violence isn't the answer.

Skipper(outraged): Neither is coughing up rainbows, Private! Let me go.

(The penguins are all staring back, neither moving or blinking with huge we-will-all-be-busted-if-Maurice-the-playground-supervisor-catches-us-doing-this looks, and Skipper's fighting urge died. He stopped struggling.

Kowalski: You have to excuse our friend. He can be a little defensive. I am Kowalski.

Sheldon: More like Go-Call-Fleas.

Kowalski(hesitating): And this is Rico.

Sheldon(smirking): You mean Stinko?

(Rico is beginning to lean toward Skipper's tie Sheldon in knots plan)

Kowalski: And Private.

Sheldon: And Fatcakes here. Now there are names for all of you. I will remember those deli slices. Well, later. Don't you four stop being adorable. (blip, and the air scooter descends back down to the cheering crowd who no longer is cheering at the penguins. In fact, as Sheldon is leaving, the crowd is eagerly following, trampling each other like a playstation 3 mob. Even the lemurs deserted them.)

Private: Fatcakes? That hurt. It really did.

Kowalski(sounding awkwardly offended): Technically penguins can't get fleas because they need warm fur to burrow and hatch their young in. Then the larvae will grow and irritate the nerve cavities.

Skipper: I've had enough of this. Kowalski, your plan failed. We are getting dirty. There can only be one leader of the playground, and that bully isn't taking it right out from under us. Kowalski, put that in the log. Now let's think of a plan. But later. The bell is about to ring for lunch.


	2. Chapter 2: Part 2

Part 2

Kowalski: This is the dumbest plan ever. I hate to say it, Skipper. Why exactly do I have to do it?

Skipper: Don't get coy with me, Kowalski. You are the only one here who is in the fourth grade. You can get close to our enemy during the day. (By the way, Skipper and Rico are third graders, and Private is in second grade.)

Kowalski: But what am I supposed to do? This is flippant.

Skipper: You are going to lay down the flippant law. Tell that fast-talking freak that this flippant playground is only big enough for one of us.

Kowalski: I'm scared.

Private(lying): Don't be scared. We would volunteer, but we are in different places during the day. (Is very happy with the excuse)

Skipper: Are you going to eat that? (Points at salmon on Private's plate) The insult Fatcakes doesn't come from nothing. (Takes it anyway. Private looks at it mournfully.)

(Kowalski still thinks the plan is a wad of boloney, but he didn't have any other bright ideas.) Okay: let's do it.

Skipper: Page us on your walkie talkie if things get ugly.

Kowalski: Is that supposed to be convincing? We are in hatchling school. I don't think it will go that bad.

(Then lunch is over and the penguins disperse, feeling happy with themselves for dooping Kowalski into this. Kowalski goes to art.)

Sheldon: Welcome, brainiac. I was sta-a-a-rting to miss you.

Kowalski: Okay, I know we got off to the wrong foot earlier, even if you did start it. I want you to know that I forgive you for your crude behavior. I accept your apology and want you to know that me and my friends will be happy to share the playground.

Sheldon: Round rules, eh? Where is the little kiddie crew of yours anyway? You are here alone.

(Kowalski grips the roseart crayon a little harder, leaving darker streaks on the paper.) My team is the best team in the world. We can handle anything. We AREN'T kiddie in uniformal standards.

Sheldon: You are the brains of this bowling ball? I get it. That can also explain why you didn't carry the three.

(Kowalski drops crayon, abandoning the precious art of dividing numbers.) How can I try to be nice when you are criticizing my genius?

Sheldon: Oh. We were being nice? Okay, let's start on the cat's cradle. (reaches over and breaks Kowalski's crayon in half)

(Kowalski gasps) You didn't.

Sheldon: ZIPPP! (rips paper in half next and throws the pieces on the ground. By now Kowalski is wondering where Miss Marlene is to come to the rescue.)

Kowalski: I wouldn't do that. Miss Marlene will give you lunch detention. (But then again, there was no one in sight. He had to do something for the team. He picks up a crayon out of the box.) You know what I'm gonna do now?

Sheldon: You wouldn't. No one would go so far.

Kowalski: I would. HA! (viciously starts scribbling blue crayon all over Sheldon's desk.)

(Sheldon grabs a yellow one and starts scribbling all over Kowalski's desk in return. Soon the crayons are flying like trailers in a tornado, and both the rivals are mauling the crayon box.)

Julien: Help. I am being attack-ed. (leaps under another desk to escape the melee)

(Mort sits on the floor and cries)

(Then Miss Marlene comes to the rescue, swiping away the crayons so that Kowalski and Sheldon are both throwing invisible artillery. Kowalski is so mad for Sheldon tearing up his long division that he carries this on for about five more seconds before realizing it.)

Marlene: What are you two doing?

Kowalski: Uhh.I-we-um…

Sheldon: Oh my long division! (Picks up the shredded paper on the floor and holds it up.) It didn't survive.

Kowalski: That's a bald-headed lie.

Marlene: You're a bald-headed lier, Kowalski. That's it. You're out of control. Come with me to see the mental pathfinder. We will set you up some anger management sessions for the rest of the week.

Sheldon: Bye bye, Kowalski. One down, three to go.


	3. Chapter 3: Part 3

Tiny Tyrants

Part 3

Rico: Ohuhhhh.

Skipper: I have to agree with Rico. This isn't good. We're sinking like jellybeans in mashed taters.

Private: Where is Kowalski? He never came out from art.

Julien(coming from nowhere): Hey, tiny penguins. Are we hiding?

(Skipper's head shakes hopelessly) How can this be a secret lair when you come in anyway?

Julien: This is a lair? It is very classy I might add. Please let me stay. I won't bother you.

(Rico coughed up the most powerful weapon he had, a spork)

Julien: You won't even know I'm here.

Skipper: Fine. You can stay, but this information is top secret so don't be going anywhere. We're trying to think of a secret plan here.

Julien(delighted): Great! Cause I also brought Mort.

Mort: Yay! I'm a spy.

Skipper: What? Oh whatever. We don't have much more time. We need to know where our enemy goes next after art.

Julien: I know. (Pulls out a business-folded paper and waves it like a banner) I found it in the tras-I mean Mort found it.

Private: The master schedule! How did you get this? (Wipes off a ketchup stain with disgust) It has everything.

Skipper: This will help us in our revenge. I know Sheldon Blowhole has to be involved with Kowalski's disappearance. We need to go upstairs to reading. It might be dangerous in there. Kowalski says they read chapter books for StarClan's sake. Our brains might crack like eggs.

Julien: And as king of the third grade, I will lead you on this quest.

Skipper: Denied. Ust go act natural. Peel a bug off the sidewalk, or go make a sand castle. You can't ruin this.

(Julien makes puppy eyes along with Mort. Skipper could climb the worm rope but couldn't say no to Sadeyes and Crybaby.) Skipper: Fine. You can tag along.

Private: Is the hallway clear?

(Four heads peep out through trashcan lid and scan the halls. The halls were unusually empty for this time of day. Empty was good for a stealthy approach.)

Skipper: I'll take point. (toboggans across the hall with Private and the lemurs in pursuit. Skipper rolled from side to side of the hall, diving behind trashcans and corners, but there was no one. This was VERY unusual. Normally after art there would be a mad dash interstate formed by hurried animals rushing to their next class. Surely it was too easy, right)

Skipper: Stop a moment, guys. I think I see tacos on the lunch menu for tomorrow.

Private: Skipper, is this really the time…?

(Suddenly the ground falls out from under Julien and Mort and they soundlessly fall to the dark abyss below the trap door. Skipper and Private, entranced by the menu, didn't even notice they fell right through the floor.)

Skipper: Come on. Let's keep going. We are almost to the stairs. Be very quiet. That evil Blowhole is up to something. I put all my applesauce on that. Hurry up, Ringtail.

Private(looking back): Skipper, where are Mort and Julien?

Skipper: Not now. I'm concentrating.

Private: But-

Skipper: Shut up.

(Private stares mournfully back at where the trapdoor was and shuffled along after Skipper.)

Skipper: These stairs weren't meant for third-graders. Oh well. We will never reach the sky standing here.

(Private wondered how Kowalski got up this mountain everyday. Then when he reached the fourth stair, a brick pressed down and a lazer shot down from the ceiling, blasting Private and Rico off the staircase, and a secret panel in the wall took them away.)

Rico: BLLLLEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Skipper: Not again. Curse you evil Dr. Blowhole! Lemurs? Private? (gulps) I am all alone. My whole team is gone, plucked off one by one. Darkness closing in. What am I going to do now? This mastermind is the horriblest fiend I've ever faced. They are doomed now. It is up to me to save them , and I still have down feathers. Oh sky spirits, why??!

(Will Skipper save the team and put Sheldon behind bars? Stay tuned for part 4 and find out after these messages. )


	4. Chapter 4: Part 4

Tiny Tyrants

Part 4

Skipper: There must be a lair around here. Those trapdoors had to lead somewhere. Trapdoors…trapdoors. I might have an idea where. (Skipper tobogganed down the hallway and stopped in front of Sheldon's locker.) It must be in here.

(Skipper tries the latch, but it is sealed. Next to it is a little box. Sheldon was mad enough to put a code in there on the first day of hatchling school.)

Skipper: It could be anything. How can I ever find the password? How?

(The Sheldon's head appeared on the screen, looking as maniacal and mad as Kowalski doing fractions.) Sheldon: So you've come to rescue your friends. Good luck trying, pen-gu-in. They will be locked up forever, and when I have my revenge, you will all be my slaves. You will never guess my entry word is. It starts with a t and ends with an rapdoor. Bwahahahhaha! (screen blips away)

Skipper: That was easy. Trapdoor.

(The locker opens. Inside is total darkness except for, yes, another trapdoor, leading down underground to the secret lair.)

Password machine: Password.

Skipper: Trapdoor.

Password machine: Accepted.

(Skipper rode the lazy river of a trapdoor all the way down and plopped on a mattress below. He was here now.

Kowalski: Skipper! Over here!

(Skipper turns around, but can't see anyone.) Skipper: Kowalski? Speak up.

Kowalski: I'm right in front of you.

Skipper: Yeah, I see bottles. Are you inside one?

Kowalski: Yes.

Skipper: The pop bottle or orange carton?

Kowalski: The carton.

Skipper: That fiend. (Picks up the carton and….Kowalski is tiny. He starts laughing)

Kowalski: This is no time for jokes. I'm so small a pizza roll can eat me!

Skipper: I know. It is just so hard to take you seriously when your voice is so tiny. You're killing me. Just look at you.

Kowalski: Just find us already. The others are around here too.

Skipper: Whatever you say, mini Kowalski.

(There is a slight problem though. There are bottles everywhere, covering the whole floor. There were thousands, each holding lifeforms no bigger than fun size. Skipper starts by picking up Kowalski and kicking over a bunch of bottles, waiting for a screaming sound that would indicate someone was in it. Where were the other pizza rolls?)

Sheldon: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Skipper(eyes narrowing): So we meet again.

Sheldon: Oh yes. You can plan on that. It has only been…since lunch right? You will never find your friends now. In one minute this place will self destruct, and they will be bye-bye forever.

Skipper: Bye bye?

Sheldon(nodding evilly): Let's keep this conversation G rated. See you later. Or not. Don't forget your pizza rolls. (Floats up away through the ceiling.)

Booming voice: THIS LAIR WILL NOW BLOW UP MASSIVELY IN 59 SECONDS.

Kowalski: Come on.

(Skipper giggles)

Kowalski: And stop laughing. I know I'm small.

(The lair starts shaking and Skipper is looking everywhere. Time is ticking, and there are still so many bottles to check. The search is hopeless.)

Kowalski: Quick. To the computer. It might have something. While I was…QUIT LAUGHING! …in the carton I built a heat-seeking device. If I can plug it into the hard drive of this computer, I might be able to detect where the rest of the team is.

Skipper: I don't know what that means, but I don't care.

Booming voice: 33 SECONDS BEFORE A RIDICULOUSLY ACCURATE EXPLOSION HAPPENS IN WHICH THE PIZZA ROLLS WON'T SURVIVE.

(Tiny bite-size Kowalski starts jumping around on the keyboard and loving the large fire-hose wires around in the computer, shuffling back and forth like an ant attacking a rice krispie. Soon it is complete.)

(Computer beeps.) Password?

Kowalski: Oh no. We will never make it back in time now.

Skipper: Trapdoor?

(Beep)

Kowalski: Die?

Skipper: Candy canes? Mashed potatoes. Motor oil. Cards.

Kowalski: I know. It must be a word Sheldon thinks we won't guess. It needs to be a word we can never mispronounce, and the one word Sheldon can't say right. That is…If I catch you laughing one more time!...

Skipper: Pen-g-ins!

(Override accepted. Heat blinkers are shown in various spots in the room. Skipper runs around, swimming through bottles and picked up a little Julien, an adorable Rico, a bite size Private, and a miniscule Mort. All the tinies are safe, but they only have 9 seconds now before self destruct.)

Skipper: Rico, surprise me.

(Rico hacks up a bomb, and the penguins are blown away out through the exit in a cloud of smoke. They land safely in the cafeteria, and the ground explodes below them.)

Skipper: We did it. I have a feeling that won't be the last of Dr. Blowhole, but for now we can bask in our victory.

Rico: Yipeee!

Private: There is only one question left.

Skipper: Would you look cuter with a bow tie or a ribbon?

Private: No! I didn't think of this. We are still 3 inches tall.

Skipper: Right. And I'm a newt.


End file.
